if i were to write the song

to robyn: because anna faris is not very pretty, and she’s not very funny.

i’m so lazy that i’ve been in bed all day watching sex and the city. the movie. on repeat. i’m on round 3. i lead a sick life. but it makes me wish i had a nicer wardrobe. i just buy crappy cheap things. i need to save the big bucks and do a major shopping spree somewhere outside of ottawa. BUT im legit getting a personal trainer again. i have my appointment tomorrow, and if its too expensive with her, i’m using jackie’s boyfriend greg who works at goodlife. apparently he’s only charging 50$ an hour. so 3 times a week for 4 weeks, $600. not bad at all. but my limit’s 1000$. i’m just so sick of feeling like a slob. i need someone to kick my ass back into shape. the other day at soccer, i subbed myself off because i couldn’t breathe. that’s a first in a while.

i got my effing period yesterday. uh, finished it two weeks ago. so its two weeks early. thanks mother nature. you’re a bitch and a half. so ive just been eating pure crap cause for the first time in a while i have really bad cramps too. and i’m grumpy.

ugh i feel so bloated. shoot me now.

i’m gonna go to the gym. even though i hate it more than life. boo.

i have soccer in 30 minutes.

car’s not here.

well that’s just lovely. today i went through a baking spree. i made cinnamon swirl pinwheels, chocolate chip muffins and lemon squares. only the pinwheels worked. well the chocolate chip muffins too, but i didn’t like the recipe. it was very plain. and the lemon squares… holy i will never follow that time again. that was retardedly too long.

i sold my ipod. within like an hour of posting it on facebook. very nice. that $85 will go directly towards my iphone :) i’m so excited. when i cancel my plan i wonder if i have to return my phone too. i think i keep it? its still new so maybe i can sell that on kijiji or something? more money?

OH i finally quit aerie on saturday night. two weeks to go, thank god. that will soon be over and done with because school is tougher this semester and ièm working like 35 hours, and i still want to have a life. its kind of sad, but when i do see adam, its basically to just sleep at his place cause he works late and then im up early in the morning to go to school or work. and gian and i are having scheduling conflicts. whenever i am free he has all these meetings. i cant wait til hes done with this presidency thing and then he will be free more. and farnaz is being all emo about her relationship (which is actually with the perfect guy - stoooopid) so im slightly avoiding her.

hmm maybe ill do gracies tomorrow if im not passed out early. although passing out to sex and the city last night was awesome. that movie always makes me cry with happiness then i want to max out my credit cards.

fuck i still need to see avatar. and i still need that fucking car right now. ugh.

that was a fun fact. but i’m far too lazy.

i had an amazing, relaxing weekend. minus bec ruining my life on friday night. that was the most bitter shift ever because i shouldn’t have been closing. but lauren wasn’t supposed to either so we were equally bitter, and we were in need of a friday night close together because we haven’t since school stopped and we worked every friday together. but after work i went to adam’s best friends’ house for a little party and adam surprised me with a very nice present: a 26 of tequila. but adam was already super hammered it was hilarious considering he was the one taking care of me on new years eve cause i was hammered. so this time it was reversed. but i did get very drunk very fast.

and then he told me he loved me.

but won’t say it when he’s sober. so then we spent saturday being hungover, getting timmie’s (it being down the street from his house is amazing), watching how i met your mother all day, followed by chinese food, drinking again just us two but having a guitar hero guitar-off, and then retarded sex, and then more timmie’s this morning and more barney stinson. and no work. faaaaaantastic. i feel so relaxed. there was no stress, no drama, a great way to end my last weekend before school starts.

oh god school tomorrow morning. 8 am class, statistics. i’m so stoked. naaaat. majorly fuck my life. i don’t even want to show up at all. then between my classes tomorrow i have to go drop a crap load of money for my textbooks. i can’t wait. i have college square right next to me but no, i have to go buy a book. and a book i don’t even want to read. boo school. this semester won’t be as exciting. its more boring classes like stats and law.

i’m gonna go get called an indian again by my grandparents. stoked.

christmas was interesting to say the least. fam jam time? omg just end my life already. my aunt needs to be put down. all she does is cause problems and just ruins everything for everyone. i’m convinced she’s the devil. you know what she called me? A NIGGER!!!!!! yes, she dropped the N-bomb and through it my way. like i know i’m tanned, but holy shit. and right before that one, she said i looked like a geisha. a fucking asian prostitute?! i don’t even know what’s wrong with her. too bad there isn’t a cure for complete stupidity.

dinner with my dad was much better. no fights, just some good chit chat and big cheques. and a very delicious dinner. matt’s girlfriend is nice. she’s not shy and just gets along well with us. apparently he wants to marry her when he gets back from afghanistan. intense. i guess he’s getting to that age. it’s already 2010 in a couple of days. that’s so weird. another decade gone. i’ll be 21 this year. 21! i’ll be legal all over the world. matt’s going to be 25 years old. that’s a good age to get married i guess. i mean i have thought about it with justin, wondering if we ever would. clearly not anymore. i don’t want to get married for a while though. i think because my parents were so young (my dad was 22) and now they’re divorced so it’s like… ugh really? and its 50/50 now anyways. but here’s the weird thing: i want a wedding day and all the planning (clearly since i want to be a wedding planner) but i don’t really care for the marriage? to me it’s only a title. it’s a piece of paper that somehows causes more stress then if you weren’t married. but i wouldn’t want my child to have unmarried parents. i don’t think i would like it, so why to my child?

jasmine’s been married for 6 months now. wow. i couldn’t imagine being married at this age. i mean i know they’ve been together for years, but really? why the rush? and elizabeth justa? ok love the girl, but what the fuck. she’s so miserable so why is she doing this? when i ask people who are unhappy with their partner why they stay in the relationship, they always answer “because i love him”. do you really though? i guess i understand. i loved justin, even though i wasn’t happy, but i was still in love with him and would have taken a bullet for him. but i just feel like some girls need to get out. because they actually FIGHT with their boyfriends. me and justin never ever fought. i’m almost waiting for the day that me and adam have our first fight cause i’ll be so clueless and be like “how do i fight back? is this normal?” cause i sure as hell felt abnormal about not fighting with justin.

where the FUCK is all of this snow coming from? so gay. but i’m going shopping with whitney in like 20ish minutes. pretty stoked. GOT MY KITCHENAID STAND MIXER!!!!! i’ve always dreamed of having one. and they were 200$ instead of $500. so i had to buy one. oh i’m so excited to use it. gotta love boxing day. but i think today i’m buying my new years outfit, a lulu sweater and maybe a michael kors purse. i plan on blowing my money :) i need to treat myself. i think i’ll buy my dress at aritzia.

still have NO CLUE what we’re doing for new years. i dont want to go downtown but it looks like that’s whats going to happen. i think we’re hitting up the block party. ugh. ugly christmas sweater party on wednesday though :) pretty stoked for our gingerbread making contest and tobaganning. and making desserts with my new stand mixer!! woo.

it’s the 22nd today. christmas is in 3 days! THREE! i’m not nearly ready. and cooper has set me back a step by digging through my closet to eat my mom’s stocking stuffer… stuff? so i have to go back to walmart and buy more turtles. it’s just another step i feel like i don’t really have time for. i only have the car tomorrow night and christmas eve. so tomorrow i have to go basically everywhere from rideau to kanata to college square. stupid effing golf town. last night after work adam and i went for dinner at moxie’s in kanata and i almost felt like breaking into golf town to grab my gift certificate.

side note: rihanna’s new album is really fucking weird.

but yes. and i need to grab my paycheck too. that might help me in buying things. because i have like $40 left in my name until tomorrow. and i still have adam, my brother, my dad and farnaz to buy for. well that won’t get me far now will it! but i want to go shopping for myself so badly. my dad says he’s giving me money and i really want to hit up aritzia on sunday, but a) the sales won’t be that great, b) but there’s still going to be a million people in there and c) i fucking hate their mirrors!!! they make you look amazing but then you get home and it’s like oh hey… no… you look like shit in this shirt. but i miss aritzia. i also need to rape aerie and stock up on everything before i quit. and i’m doing the floor set for our spring line tonight so i’m gonna put so much on hold. the only downside? i’m hitting the gym after christmas, so it’s like… i hope it’ll still fit? i guess if it’s bras and underwear it won’t make much of a difference. but the clothes. there’s this adorable sweater dress i want. ugh. can’t wait to be finished with that place.

well i’m gonna watch new moon finally. there is absolutely nothing else to do. especially if i know i’m going to pass out again in like 30 minutes. i just snapped awake because i remembered that my grade for my marketing exam is up. for just reading over the chapters once, i’m pretty effing proud to get an 81.

yay christmas has come early. whitney’s being santa and delivering. dooope. :)

day 7 of working. can’t wait until wednesday for my first day off. plus shopping with adam to get everything just right out of the way. i hate thinking that i still have so much stuff left to get. my dad’s asking for a gift card to golf town but its like.. ok, do i look like i ever have access to a car to go all the way to kanata? i feel like just giving him money and being like “go wild!!” but he’s my dad… so that might be really weird? i was thinking of waiting til boxing day before our christmas dinner to do it (i get paid on christmas day) but then not only do i work from 8-4 at bayshore but do i really want to go inside golf town on boxing day?

but today i’m hibernating. i feel like taking another nap and then a shower before going to work. i’ll tan today too. because i’m always cold. and i want to paint my nails red. and i want to hit up walmart and print more pictures for my room. i’ve yet to actually do that. but i just cleaned my room (minus laundry cause matt’s in the basement with tracy… ew.) so i feel like redecorating :) i actually love cleaning my room when not being told to.

listening to the new timbaland album. i’m IN LOVE with the katy perry song. repeat much? me and whitney are doing our gift exchange tomorrow. i’m pretty excited. although i bought her one of those giant tolberone bars with her gift… i think she’ll secretly hate me for that. ugh speaking of. i need to go to the gym. it’s been almost 2 weeks. i just hate bussing there. walking is so out of the question. i’m still not happy with what i see on the scale. BOO holidays. you’ve made me so lazy.

now i’m going to go nap with cooper.

ok gross alert: sleeping in cold sweat is disgusting. i know i should have showered, but i don’t want to work out til midnight, shower, only to work out again at 9 am, then shower again. and i’m way too fucking tired. i hit my bed tonight so fast.

so my mom signed me up for this cookie exchange thing. THANKS MOM. hell no am i going. but now i have to make… 9 dozen cookies. i kid you not. but because of the recipe it was like 10-11 dozen. so basically my lunch and dinner today was a shit load of ginger molasses cookies. i don’t mean to toot my own horn, but they’re amazing. but omg. i’m never making those again or else i’ll lose my mind. needless to say, the biggest nap ever took place. BUT OF COURSE people had to keep texting me or calling the house phone. so i was waking up here and there. just the worst. i’m going to sleep like a baby tonight.

until i have to get up at 7 to drive my mom to work cause i need the car to do a million and three things tomorrow. gym, appointment with trainer, class, shopping, beer with class/marco (laaaave), work, then mavericks with adam and michelle to go see tates’ band.

then sleep? oh no wait. i have a makeup exam on saturday morning from when i had the pig flu. so excited. but i work from 830-2 at aerie, so i should probably switch that shift or else i’ll be in shit with them yet again. i won’t lie, i kind of can’t wait til i’m done there. only one more month. having two jobs is stressful and i’m finally being trained on front desk this week at megatan. and i like my job there. sure it’s boring and goes by really slowly, but its the same thing. you can’t fuck up and my boss is far from a bitch unlike jana. who believes answering her first on the head set is far more important to do then finish talking to your customer. but yet we have to talk to them all or she gets pissed. what the fuck. ugh. but yes. i’m going to tell them not to pick me to stay past the 13th. i’ll buy all my bras and shiz before i go so that i’m solid afterwards. i’ll take my free cancer.

i work 6 days next week. 32 hours. pretty good right. yeah i have 2 exams. i feel kind of fucked, not gonna lie. and the one day i have off (monday) i have my soccer christmas party. which i don’t really want to miss. i’m skipping my aerie dinner sunday night. bp two nights in a row? nat happening. especially with girls i don’t even really know. plus i’m broke. plus i need to memorize 1839482933 accounting equations. my fav.

i need to fucking sleep. ps cooper got his hair cut today! he’s so fugly :) i lav it

i caved.

i ate my face off all weekend. i’ve established that my metabolism is stupid high so i never get full and it burns off. but i eat SO much that i have gained a bit of weight. so christmas will be the worst thing ever. because if you put cookies and cakes and desserts in front of me, i will eat it all. hands down. it’s like.. i don’t care about what i eat. i looove to eat. i love sweets. i don’t crave salty food, or protein, or fruit (except strawberries) or anything else. just sweets. flour, sugar, butter. i’m in. vanilla too :)

but i’m losing the confidence. i’m working out, but it’s not the same as when i was with sarah. i only want to lose those 11 lbs again and then tone my stomach. so today i asked for sabrina to give me a call so we can have a training consultation. she’s great with toning but without losing too much weight. for christmas, i’m only asking for money to go towards that. i’m not paying the amount i paid last year, but i don’t think i’ll be doing a program. and i only need a month. once i’m paying for me, i won’t be eating so much because i’ll NEED to see results for what i’m paying for. because i’m not paying for a trainer now, i want results, but it’s not enough to get them, know what i mean? i don’t know, it’s weird. i’ll push myself harder and i know she’ll make me write down everything i eat. and writing tea, donut and gingerbread cookie in a snack will make me not eat it. but i will say, it was a delicious snack. fuck i love soft gingerbread cookies. thanks tim horton’s :)

but anyways yes. training will hopefully start next week. i’ll be working like crazy. i made my work availabilities. i’m excited to be completely exhausted next semester and only have one job. and i’m excited to be loaded and give it to my credit cards and goodlife.

money from mom, anne and matt will go towards credit cards. dad’s stupid amount will go towards goodlife. i’m not saving up for anything. so. anything and any amount of money to be happy…

im reading Dear John right now by Nick Sparks. it’s actually just so good and so sweet. i love nick sparks. he’s such a good writer and just makes you fall in love with romance. and the fact that the guy is in the army just kind of makes it better because of matt. but you see things that happen in the army that you don’t really hear about so it makes you sad too.

but speaking of. who talked to brady today? yes she did. good job mel. tomorrow’s another day. do it again :) i know i don’t have confidence in my body, but i’m sure glad i still have confidence in my personality and in talking to guys. i’m cool :)

i’m down to 124. i’m pretty stoked about this. but again, it’s not leaving my stomach. my arms feel scrawnier and my boobs are going back down (noooooooooooo!). of course. how come you always lose weight in the places that you just don’t care about? i don’t have a problem with my arms. as long as they don’t get more muscular than they already are because of work. girls who look jacked are just kind of gross to me. and by kind of i mean extremely.

but i haven’t worked out since monday so i have to go tonight after work. i was set to go last night, but then i had to go to my grandparents house. why you ask? to teach my grandfather (age 82) how to use facebook. how. to. use. facebook. i kid you not. it was such a headache and a half. by the time i was done, i was like fuck the gym, i need a drink. not actually but i just came home and fell asleep at a decent hour.

so it was discovered that i made my last personal trainer payment LAST month, so basically i just had money sitting in the bank. well no more! well, i do, but i decided to do some me shopping last night at work. i bought the cutest pj pants because get this - i don’t have a single pair of pjs. not one. i have one pair of boxers, but other than that i just always wore sweatpants. but no. i want pjs :) and they’re adorable. and so are my new holiday underwear. one says HOHOHO on the butt. ah. i love seasonal stuff. makes me crazy. santa is finally at bayshore! i was very excited. robyn, when you’re home, we’re going to take pictures with santa. deal? mmkay great.

okay i really need to stop procrastinating. i have a portfolio due in two and a half hours and i have NO professional photos of myself, no accomplishments in my life to describe (cause that’s really pathetic) and i have to insert real blogs on there. by real i mean appropriate. pretty sure my prof doesn’t want to hear about my weight loss tragedies and my shopping addictions.

my weekend:

• baked a lot of cookies
• ate a lot of cookies
• still at 127. fml.
• went to the gym today
• haven’t eaten yet today
• must keep going. it’s actually not that hard. yet. especially with cookies downstairs.
• i have my dumb period
• im having really bad cramps
• im exhausted
• i need to do laundry
• i need to clean my room. big time.
• and i have so much homework to do tonight after work.

there is absolutely nothing positive in that entire list.

i WILL talk to brady tomorrow. just you wait and see. thanks cosmo :)